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Looking for a German Shepherd, M16 and barricaded house in Manhattan.
Contact Will Smith – bigwilliestyle@freshprince.com
Discovery News reports that scientists at Yale university “have modified a virus and injected it into mice with several kinds of inoperable brain cancer. Three days later, the tumors were gone.”
As far as cancer research goes, this is a pretty big breakthrough. Attacking cancerous cells using a virus is like using a mercenary to infiltrate a mercenary convention and take out the big guns. No one there expects it and when it’s done, there’s no one left to wonder what happened. Of course, you can never fully trust someone whose allegiance can be bought no matter how much he helps you out.
The virus of choice is the Vesicular stomatitis virus(VSV), which is in the same family as the Rabies virus and is self-replicating (as in reproduces like rabbits, well there’s only one so like rabbit).
Rabies virus longitudinal schematic
VSV “causes mild, cold-like symptoms in humans” which doesn’t sound too bad until you remember that it is related to Rabies which “is almost invariably fatal after neurological symptoms have developed…” and whose symptoms include “slight or partial paralysis, cerebral dysfunction, anxiety, insomnia, confusion, agitation, abnormal behavior, paranoia, terror, hallucinations, progressing to delirium.”
Abnormal behavior, say like “[degenerating] into a primal, aggressive state and reacting painfully to UV radiation , forcing [the infected] to hide in buildings and other dark places during the day.” Yeah, how’s that for abnormal behavior?
If you don’t see the connection, I am referring to the movie and novel, I Am Legend in which a “genetically re-engineered measles virus, originally created as a cure for cancer, mutated into a lethal strain which rapidly infected humans and some animal species. ” Sure it was the measles virus for them, but a virus is a virus. You can’t trust it won’t mutate and attack its creators. Viruses are just crazy like that, especially if you’re trying to make a one virus kill all cancers type of virus like Yale scientists are.
Luckily (or you may see this as unluckily at this point) testing on humans is still a few years away from receiving federal approval. This means you still have time to find a good piece of land in the northern parts of our globe. Somewhere above 60 degrees latitude where it is too cold for zombies or the man made, vampire-like creatures which are likely to result from this.

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